


The Way We Were

by murasakis



Category: Sekai-ichi Hatsukoi
Genre: Eventual Romance, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-04
Updated: 2018-07-09
Packaged: 2019-02-28 05:29:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,202
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13264692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/murasakis/pseuds/murasakis
Summary: In which two people are reunited in the unlikeliest of places, but not entirely ready to face their past and the consequences that come with such an uncertain future.





	1. Chapter 1

Onodera shifted in his spot for the umpteenth time whilst waiting in queue. His emerald eyes lowered to the ground, focused on nothing. He suppressed a tired sigh as more people squished up together in wait for the signing event to begin, but was ready to get out of the steamy, cramped bookstore that he landed himself in. But he had come early to queue up fast, and this would probably be the only chance he could meet the author he had admired, who had come from overseas to meet his international fans. The brunet cursed himself for being so absorbed in books while he was overseas - perhaps he wouldn’t have found himself in this situation if he hadn’t.

The rush eventually came. The moment the announcement came off for the author’s event to begin, everyone began to lose formation, and Onodera found himself being the scrutiny of being shoved to the back of the line.

“Ouch–!”

A particular shove sent the brunet stumbling back onto other people, who had only looked at him with distaste before moving ahead of him as well. Irritation flooded his sense. It wasn’t his fault! He sighed as he brought himself back to the queue, much farther from where he was initially. He would’ve protested, but with an international author comes fans from all over the country. He wasn’t ready to deal with Westerners at the moment.

“Oi! Move back! This guy’s with me!”

Onodera blinked up at the booming voice, bringing his head out of the queue to see who exactly yelled out - and quite rudely, if the brunet had to be honest - so unabashedly in public. Then their eyes met.

Wordlessly, the stranger beckoned him over to stand beside him, with everyone else staring in a mix of awe, annoyance and shame. Onodera didn’t want to turn the other down - after all, he had made such a ruckus for him - so he complied and slowly walked up to the other and stood beside him.

The entire event went by without a hitch after that, and Onodera found himself walking out with said stranger who had helped him earlier that morning.

“I have to say, even though it wasn’t really necessary, thank you for helping me out back there.” Onodera smiled politely as he faced the other properly. It was only then that he knew.

_ ‘Ah…!’ _

“Saga!” The brunet exclaimed, smiling brightly now. Said man grinned in returned and sighed as he shoved his hands into his pockets. “Took you long enough to notice. I thought you realised it was me the moment I called out for you.” 

“I didn’t really think back then, if I had to be honest. I don’t like to make a fuss in public spaces. But I should’ve known it was you, definitely.” Onodera chuckled, stepping forward to pat the raven on the chest. “We’ve always had similar tastes in books, even back in high school.”

“Of course, you were always recommending me books to read. I think I kept some of the ones that you bought me.” The taller reflected, before changing the topic. “Ah, right. Did you remember? It’s Takano now, not Saga.”

“Eh?  _ Ahhh _ , right!” Onodera laughed as he scratched the back of his neck in embarrassment. “Sorry, I forgot. I always called you Saga back in high school, so–”

“Nah, don’t worry about it.” Takano waved his hand dismissively, gazing at the brunet. They fell into silence despite the bustling noise around them, but they kept their gazes steady at each other, not feeling awkward about it in the slightest. After a few seconds, Onodera took it as a sign to leave, but Takano had other plans.

“While we’re here, do you...want to grab some lunch? My treat.” The raven offered, turning a little to head further into the city. Onodera was surprised by the request, but immediately jumped on board with the idea, joining Takano’s side. 

_ ‘After all, it’s been ten years, I might as well ought to spend some time with him after reuniting with him…’ _

“Since you’re paying, I’ll definitely go!”

“Oi, don’t think that I’m gonna do this next time.”

“There’s a next time?” Onodera teased, laughing when he noticed that Takano realised what he had said himself, but tried to play it off.

“Well, if you want.” Takano started off tentatively, but grew more confident when Onodera nodded and smiled shyly as he kept his head low.

“I’d like that.”

* * *

 

“I’m really glad to see you’re doing well, Takano.” Onodera admitted after swallowing a portion of his meal and placing his cutlery down. Amber eyes flickered up from his food, and the raven smiled in earnest as he placed his own cutlery down.

“I feel the same. You seem happy.” Takano rested his chin in his hand as he gazed at the other. They had shared a pleasant exchange with each other, talking about trivial things, sharing good title to read and having a laugh about some events in their lives. Though, every now and then, Takano’s phone would buzz or ring, interrupting the flow they had. The raven would raise it up to read it, but would never make a gesture to reply to call back. While Onodera didn’t particularly mind, he wondered who was constantly messaging him. Lips stretched in amusement, Onodera rested his chin on his clasped hands, eyes painted with mischievousness.

“Now, now, Takano-kun, you shouldn’t leave your girlfriend hanging like that. What ever shall we do if the poor girl starts to cry?” Onodera hid a smile behind his hand when Takano laughed into his hand to keep the noise levels low. 

“Well,” The raven started, having recovered from his small fit. “I’d just have to make it up to her then.” Strangely, Onodera felt a lump in his throat.

_ ‘No, be happy for him.’ _

“Wait--was that really your girlfriend messaging you? You shouldn’t leave her like that!” The brunet scolded seriously now, feeling terrible for the other girl waiting on the raven.

“Nah, you don’t need to worry. ‘Sides, who are you to talk?” Takano challenged teasingly. “Sounds like you have some tips from past experience.” Onodera just rolled his eyes in response as he looked out the window.

“Nah, not really. I mean, I have a fiancée, but our situation is a little convoluted, to put it shortly.” Takano’s eyes widened just a fraction at the sudden confession, but kept his cool as he responded calmly.

“Ehh, well either way, I should congratulate you.” The raven started politely. “Two years younger than me and you landed yourself in marriage faster than I did. Damn.” Onodera snorted at the comment, turning his head back to nod in agreement, keeping the air light. 

“I suppose so.”

* * *

“I had a nice afternoon with you. Thanks for exchanging numbers with me, by the way. I really hope to see you again soon.” Takano admitted honestly, walking down with sidewalk with the brunet by his side.

“It’s not a problem. I want to catch up some more. I had a nice time with you.” Onodera wanted to say more, but opted to suppress them, afraid he would let the raven in on his true feelings. Little did he know, Takano felt the same. The pair reached the train station, and Takano decided they should part ways there, since the brunet was going to take the train home, but he had brought his car.

“You sure you don’t want me driving you home?”

“It’s alright, I’m visiting a friend.”

“If you say so.”

They tried to lengthen the time they had together unknowingly, but Onodera was aware that he would miss the train if he stayed any longer. So despite what he had learnt of Takano earlier, and before he second-guessed himself, the brunet stepped forward suddenly and wrapped his arms around the raven’s neck, embracing him tightly. Relief flooded his senses once he felt Takano returning the embrace with a tight hold of his own. They separated almost instantly, not wanting to bring up any more unnecessary feelings than they already had.

“...”

“I’ll see you soon, Onodera.”

“...yeah, see you.”

With that, they took their respective departures.

* * *

“Ritsu, you know it’s like--what? 8pm on a work night. You need to go back home!” Nao sighed as he fell back on the couch beside the brunet, who had dropped by a few hours ago to talk to him. He knew the brunet was still hung up over Takano, but he was annoyed why Onodera didn’t seem to make a move. He sighed once again when he caught a glimpse of the brunet’s moping expression, and landed his hand on the brunet’s head roughly to mess his hair up and distract him a little.

“Nao!”

“You know, things might be less awkward between you two if you just told him you want him.” Nao explained, feeling sympathy for his best friend who seemed to fall further into a saddened state.

“That’s the issue. He has a girlfriend.”

“Wait,  _seriously_?!”

* * *

“Masamune, are you trying to get yourself shitfaced on a work night? You do realise that there’s a meeting tomorrow morning.” Yokozawa grumbled as he watched his best friend take swig of his drink before he snatched it settled it down on the other side of the room.

“ _ God... _ I think I fucked up.”

“I don’t see how you ‘fucked up’. You met Onodera, had a nice lunch with him, gave him a hug. I mean, those are all signs that he misses you as well. I don’t get why you’re so worked up over this.” Takano sighed as he ran a hand through his hair before slamming his forehead against the table.

“Oi!”

“That’s the thing, Takafumi.” Takano groaned as he ran his fingers through his hair. “I was pulling a joke that I had some annoying girlfriend messaging me - even though it was just Hatori notifying me about the situation back at Emerald - and now Onodera says he has a goddamn  fiancée . ”

“Oh, _shit_.”


	2. Chapter 2

“Well...I’m not implying anything ill by saying this, but it has been _ten years_.” Nao tried to rationalise, yet was concerned about his friend’s state. “I’m not trying to say he took your relationship lightly–”

“I know, Nao, I know.” Onodera interrupted, slumping further into his seat. Nao frowned and moved closer to the brunet and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. Onodera knew it had been a long time, but he couldn’t help the sliver of hope slip past and reach to his heart, wondering, praying if he wasn’t the only one who felt like this. The brunet couldn’t help but release another sigh, trying to alleviate the pain in his heart.

“To be honest, I’m the idiot here.” Onodera confessed, pulling his legs to his chest and burying his face into his knees. “We never agreed on waiting. We both knew it would hurt us even more.”

* * *

It was brief, yet they had never felt so alive.

They loved each other, and they were happy.

There were plans for the future. To live together in a small apartment, to work day jobs to earn a living whilst studying, coming home to see their loved one after a long day.

They had a dream once.

“Ritsu...we need to talk.”

Ritsu felt his stomach drop at the sudden change of demeanour, a surge of anxiety running through him as he tore his eyes away from his book to look at his senpai worriedly, afraid he had done something wrong. But he blinked when he felt a light kiss press against his forehead, and felt his cheeks warm up from the touch.

“Maybe wait after school, I want to be alone with you.”

The brunet nodded fervently at his request, standing up suddenly when the bell chimed, signalling the end of lunch.

“Um, Saga-senpai--”

“Don’t worry, I’m not angry or anything.” Saga stood up from the desk as he willed away every worry the brunet had. He leaned in to kiss the brunet chastely on the lips before pulling away to catch a glimpse of the brunet’s embarrassed expression, which he had found adorable.

“I’ll see you after school, okay?” The brunet could only nod wordlessly again, watching as his beloved senpai walk out of the library. Ritsu stood in his spot for a while, unable to stop himself from brushing his fingers across his lips, happiness and affection fluttering in his chest.

_‘I wonder what senpai wanted to talk about.’_

…

They spent the entire afternoon together. He knew his parents didn’t appreciate him being outside for so long, but Ritsu felt like being near his senpai today. He didn’t regret his choice.

 _‘We went out to eat, bought some new books, and we’re now sitting at a park just eating some snacks.’_ Ritsu gushed inwardly, inexplicably happy about this moment as he nibbled at his food. It had been a while since they were on a date, considering Saga’s situation with his family, so he hoped his day would last for as long as possible. The brunet snapped out of his happy reverie when he felt some weight rest on his lap, and felt his cheeks light up at the sight of the raven lying on his lap.

“S-Saga-senpai?!”

“Sorry,” The other murmured out quietly, burying his face into Ritsu’s thigh, in which said brunet shivered involuntarily. “I’ve just been missing you, so I want to stay with you for as long as I can.”

Ritsu felt like his heart could burst at any moment. He hoped this moment would never end. But time waits for no one.

“Ritsu…about what I mentioned before,” The brunet watched as the raven sat up and stood from his seat, confusion painted across his features as he watched his senpai kneel down in front of him, taking Ritsu’s hands in his own. While the brunet would be incredibly embarrassed by such a gesture, worry filled his senses when his emerald eyes met anxious amber eyes.

“Senpai…?”

“Ritsu, I should have said this before, but please believe me about the fact that I didn’t know. But...”

Fear suddenly overtook him.

“My parents got divorced, and I have to leave.”

_‘What…?’_

“I’m not staying here in Tokyo anymore. I have to move to my mother’s hometown, which is in Shikoku.”

_‘Why…’_

“And…I don’t know if I’m going to return anytime soon.”

* * *

“Be careful on your way home, Masamune. These roads are dangerous at night.” Yokozawa said as he said his goodbyes to his friend for the night.

“I’ll be alright, I’ll see you tomorrow morning.” Takano gave a small smile before he left the apartment complex and made his way to his car, unable to shake off his thoughts of Onodera. He entered his car, but he opted not to start it as he gently rocked his head back against the headrest of the car seat, trying to forget the resurfacing memories.

* * *

“So…it’s over, isn’t it?” The brunet asked in an eerily calm manner. Saga looked at Ritsu with worry, grasping the brunet’s hands tightly in his own, guilt evident in his tone.

“I’m sorry, Ritsu. I never thought of this happening, and I’m not sure if I can keep up a long-distance relationship.” Saga admitted. He knew it was a terrible reason, but he wasn’t confident if he could keep up such a relationship when he was unsure if he was going to come back to Tokyo at all.

He waited for the brunet’s response, and felt anxiety well up within himself when he realised the brunet wasn’t responding, his head hung low. Saga, wanting to distract his lover, pulled Ritsu’s hands closer to his face, kissing the palm of the brunet’s hand as he kept it against his cheek, letting his eyes slide shut.

“I’m sorry.” He whispered softly, opening his eyes slightly to catch the glimpse of a teardrop landing on the brunet’s lap. Saga tried to move closer to cup Ritsu’s face, but his hands were pushed away gently as the brunet opted to wipe his own tears, each sniffle and sob tearing Saga apart on the inside.

“No…I understand, senpai. I know where you’re coming from.” The brunet choked out, taking a deep breath to calm himself. “I-I…it would be hard for us. Meeting up would be difficult, and calling each other everyday would be painful…cause you’re not beside me.” Ritsu sniffled slightly, letting his eyes fall to his lap, unable to look at his senpai. “On top of that, I don’t think my parents would allow it, and with another guy…”  

“I won’t mind it, Saga-senpai. I don’t hate you for this.”

While Saga had similar reasons, he hated to hear it from Ritsu, the last person he ever wished to hear it from. He had hoped he protested, but he had to be realistic. Ritsu was right, and so was he.

But why did it feel so _wrong_?

* * *

Onodera managed to get back home on the last train, and opened the lights to reveal a spacious apartment. He struggled to maintain it, and opted to use only some rooms to avoid a lot of mess. Nonetheless, the unused rooms gathered up dust, and he was forced to clean it all the same.

 _‘I should get myself a smaller apartment.’_ The brunet mused absentmindedly as he threw his bag to the large couch, making his way into his bedroom to hang his coat up in his closet. He made his way to the kitchen, looking for something quick to make, his eyes catching the instant ramen he kept in his cupboard, and decided to settle with it as his dinner. As he waited for the water boil, he couldn’t help but feel an aura of loneliness hanging around his apartment, and sighed.

 _‘Really, why did I decide with this place? It’s not as if I’m living with someone else.’_ Stopping his thoughts, the brunet sighed as he buried his face in his hands, realising that maybe his subconscious bought such a large space in hopes that he _was_ living with someone else.

* * *

Ritsu stayed at Saga’s house that night. They held each other tightly, passionately, hoping the sun would never rise again.

Tears were kissed away, marks were decorated over their skin, their breaths mingling together and emotions merging into one.

Dawn came, and Ritsu left early. Before he stepped out the door, he held onto the raven tightly, eyes squeezed shut to hold back his tears once more.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

Since that morning, Saga-senpai was never seen at the library ever again.

* * *

Onodera nearly burned his tongue with his food when a sudden alert from his phone brought him out of his thoughts.

 _‘Have some decency, it’s so late!’_ Onodera complained in his mind, but when he opened his screen, his heart skipped a beat.

_ < Hey, want to go for some lunch next week? I have a day off so we could spend the day together, if you’re not busy. _

Onodera frantically checked his schedule and had never been so glad in his life to find that he had a short day at the office.

_ > Sounds good, I’m going to be free in the afternoon, think you could wait until then? _

_ < Of course. _

Onodera couldn’t help but feel excited on the inside at seeing Takano so soon. Despite all that had happened, and even though they had ceased communication altogether, the brunet felt that he immediately clicked with the raven when he saw him again, and was glad that they hadn’t lost the routine they used to have. After settling a date, time and place for the pair to meet up and eat at, the brunet returned to his forgotten dinner, thinking of their next meeting.

* * *

“Onodera!” The brunet turned at the sound of his named being called, and smiled when he saw Takano walk up to him. “Just finished work?” Takano questioned.

“Yeah, it was a short day, so I was able to leave early.”

“How lucky.” The raven complimented before he turned his head over to look at the street. “The place we’re going to eat at isn’t too far from here, are you familiar with it?” Onodera shook his head in response, starting to walk down the street with Takano by his side.

“I just frequent some places, but I don’t visit all.” Onodera explained. They immediately found themselves in a conversation as they walked to the café, and even until they were seated.

“I recommend this, by the way. It’s really good, trust me.” Takano chuckled as he guided the brunet over to the dish that he was pointing at on his menu.

“Is it your favourite?”

“Maybe.”

“You can’t just name a personal favourite as a recommendation!” Onodera protested light-heartedly. “Judge them equally, then decide.”

“Nah, just trust me, it’s good.” Takano grinned as he scanned through the menu. “Tell you what - I’ll order it, then you order what you like, then we’ll decide who has better food.”

“Fine, you’re on.” Onodera chuckled, ordering another dish off the menu when the waiter came around. When their food came, Onodera ate some of his own before he tried some of Takano’s food.

“Well?”

“…okay, you know what? Screw you.” Onodera tried to suppress a grin as he took another bite of Takano’s food.

“Oi! You should’ve listened to me and ordered one for yourself.” Takano laughed as he let the brunet eat some anyway. “If you want it so badly, swap plates.”

“No, I’d feel bad if I let you do that.” Onodera declined, going back to eating his own food. Takano raised an eyebrow and opted to separate the portion of his food in half.

“Take this half, and I’ll have half of your portion. Deal?” Onodera couldn’t help but resist nonetheless, but because Takano kept nagging, he caved in the end. Halfway through their meal, Onodera watched when Takano opened his phone and placed it on the table, and noticed how it was starting up.

“Did you completely turn off your phone?”

“Yeah, my phone gets pretty annoying when I have a day off.” Upon saying that, Takano’s phone began to buzz incessantly with countless texts and emails.

“My god…” Onodera gaped as it continued to make a ruckus, but Takano just let it sit as he ate some more of Onodera’s food. “Don’t tell me that’s your girlfriend?” Takano broke into laughter when Onodera look at him seriously after asking that question, and waved his hand in denial.

“No, I don’t actually have a girlfriend. I’m married to my work. I can’t find the time to treat such a girl right. Unlike you.” Takano kept a small smile on his face as he closed his phone screen once the buzzing died down. Onodera was inwardly relieved, but pushed down the feeling as quickly as it came, laughing awkwardly at the way Takano vaguely mentioned his engagement.

“Ah, well…even though it’s an engagement, we both actually don’t like it.” The brunet started, noting how Takano was suddenly curious. “It’s an arranged marriage. Remember? I explained to you back then that my parents might be pushing me into an engagement with my childhood friend. But back then, the decision was never made concrete.” _‘Because I was with you.’_ The brunet wanted to say, but he held his silence. He observed as a flash of realisation came across Takano’s face and watched as he clicked his fingers together.

“An-san?”

“Yeah. I’m now engaged to her. But we never had chemistry.” Takano made a hum of acknowledgement as he leaned back in his seat. Takano was relieved when Onodera had said that.

“Ahh, right…I remember now. You guys were really close, like siblings. I remember when she was hoping so badly that the engagement would never go through.”

“Yeah, it’s because she…” Onodera cut himself off, realising where he was taking this conversation, but Takano continued on for him instead.

“She always supported our relationship, didn’t she?” Takano chuckled a little at the memory, straightening up to eat some more of his food. “She hoped that we would always be together.”

“…yes…she did…” Onodera trailed off, opting to eat as well as a distraction. Takano noticed his discomfort and looked to the side, sighing a little. He knew they were drifting off into dangerous territory, so he decided to change topics.

“Hey, Onodera.”

“Yes?”

“Where was it that you worked at? I always talk about my work, but I don’t know what you’re doing now…”

“Ah! I’m working as an editor at Onodera Publishing! I used to be Usami-sensei’s editor!”

“Wait. Holy shit. Are you being serious right now?” Onodera nodded animatedly, giving Takano a bright smile, in which Takano gave him a look of disbelief.

“What the…”

“But trust me, he can be a terrible author to look after the longer you get to know him.” Onodera sighed, resting his chin on his hand.

“If you think that’s bad, then try have a shot at working in my department.”

“Eh? Are you a literature editor too?”

“Nah, shoujo manga. I’m the editor-in-chief of Marukawa Publishing’s Emerald Department.”

“Oh, wow.” Onodera gaped.

“Are you shocked that I’m an editor-in-chief, or that I’m editing shoujo manga?”

“Both. But maybe more because you’re editing shoujo manga.” Takano smiled genuinely at the brunet and chuckled softly as he flicked the brunet on the forehead, who winced a little at the pain.

“Just cause the audience’s different doesn’t make the content any less better.” Onodera sighed as he rubbed his forehead, agreeing that Takano’s right on that fact.

“That’s true, I shouldn’t judge, since Usami-sensei writes BL novels in his spare time…”

"Please tell me you're joking."

* * *

“Good thing…we managed to get to the library…before it closed.” Takano panted, resting against the tree that was situated near the now closed library, tired from running. Onodera slumped down to the ground at the base of the tree, trying to catch his breath.

“I didn’t think…we would take so long at the café…” Onodera said breathlessly, raising his head to look at Takano, who he realised was staring back at him the entire time. After a moment, Onodera felt his pulse speed up a little when Takano decided to sit down against the tree next to him. He kept his legs close to his chest, hugging them to distract himself from the raven sitting beside him.

 _‘I can’t believe I’m acting like this right now.’_ Onodera reprimanded himself, keeping his eyes settled on the autumn leaves gathering around them, a cold breeze coming through and rustling the leaves once again to let more fall around them. Hearing a strange ‘clink’ sound, Onodera turned his head to see Takano trying to light up a cigarette between his lips, before the raven caught his staring.

“Sorry, do you mind if I smoke?”

“A-Ah, no, not at all. Go ahead.” The brunet relented, watching as Takano managed to light it up and take a long drag, letting the smoke come out past his lips in a steady stream. “Surprised?”

“Eh?” The brunet blinked as he focused his eyes back on Takano.

“That I smoke now - are you surprised?” Takano asked, turning to properly face the brunet.

“Ah, not necessarily. We were young back then, so I wouldn’t have known if you would choose to smoke or not…” The brunet reasoned, turning his head away to look out to the open road not too far off. He could’ve just headed home - he had already borrowed the book he wanted, and so did Takano - so why couldn’t he bring himself to stand? Onodera jumped a little when he felt Takano rest against him.

“Want to try?”

“E-Eh?’ The brunet blinked when Takano held the cigarette up.

“This.”

“Ah, no, I’m alright. I’ve tried it back when I was still a student.” Onodera grimaced upon recalling the experience. “I don’t get how you can get used to it.” Takano smiled and let his head against on Onodera’s shoulder, unaware of the brunet’s rapid heartbeat.

“You just enjoy it, eventually.” Takano said, taking a long drag. Onodera watched quietly as Takano let his eyes slide closed before letting the smoke emanated from his lips. The brunet kept his eyes on Takano, his long eyelashes, slender nose, and slightly chapped lips, feeling an all too familiar warmth crawl up in his gut, and flushed suddenly.

 _‘Wait, I can_ **_not_ ** _be having these thoughts here.’_ The brunet thought in disbelief, whipping his head around to look the other way, and felt Takano shift a little as he did so, but found himself too focused on his embarrassment. _‘Am I an idiot?’_ Onodera tried to will the heat away from his cheeks as he bit his lip nervously.

The raven opened his eyes once again to look at the brunet, only to notice how he had turned the other way, cheeks tinted. He blinked in surprise, realising how long it had been since he had last seen Onodera blush like that. _‘He can’t be thinking of…can he?’_ Takano furrowed his eyebrows, before sitting up to call the brunet, putting out his cigarette. “Onodera.”

“Y-Yes?” As soon as Onodera turned to look back, he found himself too close to Takano, their faces almost touching. The brunet immediately blushed a brilliant red in response, in which Takano’s expression softened to a more gentle one as he pressed his nose against the brunet’s, nuzzling it slightly.

“W-What are you doing?!” Onodera yelled out suddenly as he tried to inch back, but fell to the ground on his back instead. Takano simply laughed as he moved over to ruffle the brunet’s hair.

“Sorry, sorry, I was teasing you.” He smiled, chuckling as he pulled his hand away to pat one of Onodera’s still red cheeks. “I haven’t seen you blush in a while, it’s refreshing.”

“There’s nothing refreshing about making a man feel embarrassed.” Onodera huffed out as he slapped Takano’s hand away, sitting up and brushing off the dirt from his clothes. Takano assisted, before grasping one of Onodera’s hands to hold them, letting his fingers entwine with the brunet’s.

"Well…I missed it." Takano said in a soft tone, his expression almost reminiscing as he kept his gaze on the brunet's hand. "I missed this." He repeated once again, quietly, as if it was to himself.

Onodera was surprised by the sudden change of tone, suddenly feeling nostalgic as well as he returned Takano's hold.

_'Maybe…since we're much older now…is it still possible to try again…?'_

Onodera watched as Takano quietly raised their entwined hands look at them quietly, brushing his thumb against the back of the brunet's hand. Despite the loud beating of his heart ringing in his ears, his heated cheeks unable to cool down from the continual embarrassment, despite his flurry of desperate thoughts…

_'But…even if I want to…'_

Onodera released his hand from Takano's hold, instead letting his head fall on the raven's shoulder.

_'I'm afraid.'_


	3. Chapter 3

“Look, all I’m saying is that he probably thinks the same way as you do?”

“Probably? I need a definite answer.” Takano leaned over the rail of the balcony, sighing softly. “I want to make a move on him but what if I was overthinking it? He even let go of my hand!”

“God, you’re so annoying when you have relationship problems.” Yokozawa muttered, taking another drag of his cigarette. The pair were on break for the time being, after having sat in a meeting room for two hours. Yokozawa invited his friend out for a smoke before they headed back into their respective departments. Instead of going to the regular break area, they settled with the outside area near the emergency staircase. Eventually, Yokozawa touched on the topic with Onodera, but instantly regretted asking it the moment Takano began to speak.

“I’m just trying to think about this properly. He has a fiancée, even if he says that he doesn’t love her. He’s working at Onodera Publishing, which I’ve heard from Isaka-san that he’s probably going to take over, judging from his family background. And on top of that, he’s never told his parents about me, even when we were in high school. No matter how you think about it, if he doesn’t have definite feelings for me, then I don’t think we would work out in the end.” Yokozawa eyed him out of the corner of his eye and raised a hand to pat Takano’s shoulder.

“You’re just afraid of diving in. From what I’m hearing, you guys are tiptoeing around each other, as if something’s gonna blow if you make one mistake.” Yokozawa stated, letting those words sink into Takano.

Takano pinched the bridge of his nose, gathering his thoughts. They mutually broke up back in high school, that was a fact. The night before he left, to put it shortly, he made love to him. He remembered Onodera holding him tightly, eyes squeezed shut yet tears continued to stream down the young brunet’s face. Takano swallowed the lump in his throat. It had hurt him as much as himself. Onodera had loved him as much as he did back then, or did he? Did he make sure to always tell Onodera he loved him? He could barely remember now. Ten years on, Onodera seemed to be happy to see him, and agreed to going out to lunch with him every time he invited him, so that was good. They exchanged numbers and Onodera was comfortable with sharing details about his life. But he was definitely hesitant about talking about their past. Did he hate Takano for being left behind? Did he just not want to discuss it because it was the worst moment of their lives? Maybe he didn’t want to talk about it because it would lead to Takano asking if he wanted to get back together with him, and maybe Onodera didn’t want that, being satisfied just being his friend.

_ ‘Oh god, I don’t think I can settle with being just his friend.’ _ He groaned at his own thoughts.

“You’re overthinking again.” Yokozawa gritted out irritably and hit Takano on the upside of his head. “Just fucking tell him!”

“I can’t do that, I don’t want to just rush into things!”

“Are you seriously saying that now after taking his goddamn  _ virginity _ away from him?!”

“Okay, you have a point. Right now, I agree with everything that you say. I want to just go ahead and tell him, but I’m trying to see it in his perspective, and when it comes to getting back together, I feel that he’s going to be more hesitant than me.” Takano clarified, leaning up from the railing to look at Yokozawa.

“I’ve never seen you this thoughtful about someone else before and honestly I’m terrified.”

“Shut up.” The raven rolled his eyes as he tucked his arms behind his head, watching the traffic below. “Takafumi, you know how much I loved him. Whether he thought of it as a childish romance or a fling, I was serious about him.” He admitted softly, his shoulders relaxing as he thought of Onodera. “But, if he doesn’t want to try again, I have no choice but to back down. I don’t want to force him into anything he doesn’t like.”

“Hm, so from what I’m hearing, you don’t want that to happen, so you’re being careful. Taking things slow to his liking, so that you have a chance.” Yokozawa spoke carefully, putting out his cigarette. “You really don’t want to screw this up, do you?” He sighed with impatience, scratching the back of his head. “Look Masamune, I got your back, but sometimes I just have to wonder, how do you know that he’s the  _ one _ ? The person who you would definitely want to stay with for the rest of your life?”

Takano quietened down. After leaving Onodera, he remembered how much he had longed for him. He realised that even though he broke up with him, he searched for him in other people. He had a few relationships after the young brunet, but they never worked out. It wasn’t until he returned to Tokyo, when he constantly found himself walking down the same path to his old house, to his school, that he realised that his feelings for the younger had never faded, rather, they only burned much stronger in his heart.

“…it just feels right.” The editor-in-chief responded confidently, suddenly remembering all the countless feelings he had experienced upon leaving Onodera all those years ago. “It can’t be anyone else but him.”

* * *

_ ‘Wow, it’s already December…’ _ Onodera mused quietly as he looked at his calendar on his desk, reading through all of the things he had to do before the month ended. He frowned a little when he realised that it had been a while since he and Takano last caught up.

_ ‘Last time was at the library…which was around…three weeks ago, wasn’t it?’ _ The brunet thought with slight disappointment, wondering if Takano was perhaps busy with his work, that he wasn’t able to contact him. He stopped his train of thoughts then. Since when was Takano  _ obligated _ to send him a text? The raven had a life, just like he did. The brunet wasn’t his first priority, as Onodera had presumed himself. But he knew he felt as such simply because they had history together; and believed unknowingly that that was what set him different from other people who also entered Takano’s life.

_ ‘God, after reuniting with him, my mind’s turned into a complete mess. Why do I have to act all weird whenever it comes to him?’ _ Onodera grimaced slightly at the thought, unappreciative of becoming a stereotypical shoujo manga heroine. But either way, he was sure on the fact that he wanted to meet up with Takano again soon. Though, he worried if he was bothering him at a crucial time.  _ ‘While I don’t know much about manga, generally speaking, both of us still do editing work. I can understand how stressful deadlines and procrastinating authors can be.’ _ The young editor empathised, looking through the drafts his authors have made. However, he couldn’t help himself from glancing at his phone every now and then, wondering if it would be okay for him to send a text instead.

_ ‘I’ll wait until after work ends.’ _

* * *

“Doing anything for your birthday?” Yokozawa asked casually, walking out of the entrance of Marukawa with his friend.

“Do you think I have time for that when there are authors eager to miss their deadlines?” Takano sighed, wrapping his scarf around his neck as they walked down the sidewalk. 

“Well, we should do something anyway. How about after the company’s New Years party? Zen, Hiyo and I could take you out for lunch that afternoon.”

“Nah, I wouldn’t want to impose. I want to catch up on sleep anyway, so don’t worry about me.” The Sales worker was dissatisfied by the answer, pulling a frown in response to it.

“…you can just say straight up that you want to ask Onodera out for dinner after the New Years party. You’re not fooling anyone, y’know.”

“Shut up.”

* * *

“Maybe I should call him now…” Onodera looked across the room to see his phone resting on the kitchen island, nervousness suddenly welling up in his stomach.

“God, why is it so hard?” He groaned. “I’m literally just asking him, as a friend, to eat some damn lunch with me.” Onodera sighed, focused on calming down his pounding heart, rather than dwell on the strangeness of calling Takano as nothing more than a friend. He knew it didn’t sound right, but feared the implications that his thoughts would give if he dared to stop and think about it. He paced around the apartment one more time, before walking to his phone, taking it with slightly shaky hands.

“Okay, Ritsu, don’t chicken out…” The brunet said to himself as he proceeded to press on Takano’s contact.

_ Bzzt! _

“Uwah!” Onodera jumped up when his phone screen changed to notify that he had an incoming call, and quickly answered it without checking the ID.

“H-Hello?!”

_ “Ricchan? Are you okay?” _ The brunet blinked a few times in rapid succession, blanking out at whose voice it was, before regaining his composure.

“O-Oh! An-chan, sorry! I was trying to make a phone call but then I panicked when your call came through instead…” A laugh resonated from the other end.

_ “No, it’s alright. Sorry for calling you so suddenly. I just wanted to confirm that I would be coming with you to the New Year’s party, since your mother was insistent on it.” _

“Huh? Oh, right! I nearly forgot about it.” Onodera apologised, cheeks lighting up in embarrassment. “Yes, you can come with me, but I may leave early ‘cause I don’t really enjoy company parties like that.” Ever since he was young, he was subjected to attending company parties with his parents. He was never fond of attending such parties - it was always difficult to befriend someone without the hassle of forming new business connections. Over time, such constant occurrences as aforementioned was why he came to dislike his family name as he grew older. It always reminded him of the looming responsibility over his head as the successor to Onodera Publishing. 

The brunet held back a sigh, feeling another ulcer coming on at the thought of the party.

_ “That’s fine Ricchan, I don’t mind leaving early either! I wanted to meet up with Nacchan afterwards to celebrate New Years with him, if that’s okay with you.” _ Onodera brightened up at the mention of Nao, happy that they’re still going strong despite their engagement. 

“Of course I don’t mind. I don’t want to impose on your time with your boyfriend.” He then added in a low whisper, “How about a bet if he’s going to propose to you at midnight?”

_ “Oh, hush up! _ ” An exclaimed out of embarrassment.  _ “Don’t get my hopes up like this! But…do you know if he bought a ring or went to a jewelry store?”  _ An asked.

“ _ Hmmm _ , who knows? Guess you’ll have to wait.” He teased his childhood friend.

_ “Ricchan!”  _

“Really, I don’t know!” Onodera laughed. “But for safety measures, just don’t expect a ring.”

_ “Hmph, ‘safety measures’. Well, I have to get going soon. I’m visiting Nacchan now.” _

“Tell him I said hi.” Onodera responded, before saying goodbye and hanging up. 

“Now…to call up Takano…”

“…”

“…maybe I’ll just send a text.”  

* * *

By the time Onodera sent the text, Takano was already preparing to sleep.

_ ‘The one time I get to sleep early, I get interrupted. Of course.’ _

Though the dreaded feeling of reading yet another work-related text vanished almost instantly upon reading the sender’s name.

_ < Hey, I was thinking if you wanted to go out for lunch sometime soon?  _

“Oh, shit.” Takano muttered aloud as he fell back onto his bed, groaning into his pillow.  _ ‘Fuck, I don’t have any time in my schedule.’ _ He lamented. He was tempted to ignore the message, but he didn’t want to leave the other hanging, so he quickly typed up a response in hopes that Onodera would receive it and reply straight after instead of falling asleep.

_ > Sorry, my schedule is packed for December. But we can catch up after this month, if that’s okay with you?  _

_ < Sounds good.  _ “Oh thank god.” 

_ < Have a lot of work?  _ “I wish it was just that.”

_ > It’s not just work, but I need to attend a work party during New Years. Our company isn’t hosting it, but we’re required to attend. _

* * *

“Wait, he can’t be…?”

_ > That’s strange, so do I. _

Onodera sat up from his bed, his heart thumping wildly in his chest.  _ ‘I’m far too old to get excited like this…’ _ He sighed, grabbing at the front of his shirt while holding his phone in his other hand. Though, he couldn’t help himself. If they were going to the same event, there was the off chance that they could meet and talk, despite it not being the right place to do so, but he was glad nonetheless.

_ ‘But what then? Part ways and go home?’  _ For some reason, the brunet felt disappointed by that, but he didn’t have time to dwell on it when Takano replied to his text.

_ < Right. I forgot Onodera Publishing was hosting the New Years party. I guess we’ll see each other then? _

Before he could type, his screen went black with a bright header indicating an incoming phone call from Takano. He hastily answered without thinking his actions through.

“H-Hello?”

_ “I don’t mind driving you there and back, if you need a lift.” _

“Eh? Ah, no! It’s alright, I’m going there with a friend.”

_ “Oh, really? My bad then.”  _ A soft laughed was returned through the speaker, but the brunet couldn’t help but think that it sounded a little strained. It left him feeling like he needed to give the older something back in return. 

“Ah but, she’s leaving early to meet up with someone else! So I may need a lift home, if it isn’t too much trouble for you.”

_ “Of course not. I offered, after all. So, I’ll see you there?” _ Sometimes the brunet couldn’t help but think how confident Takano was in cutting to the chase.

“Yeah…I’ll be there.” 

_ “Great. I’ll see you then. Good night.” _ Before the younger could return a similar greeting, the call had ended.

“…good night…” 

* * *

“God, that wasn’t too forceful, right?” Takano muttered under his breath as he pulled up his blankets over himself. “Damn it, why is this so difficult…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is actually only half of a full chapter, but i figured it was getting too long so i separated it  
> hopefully i'll finish the next chapter soon c:


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter jumps right into the night of the new year's party

“Ah, there he is. Takano!” Onodera called over the tall male, who had just entered the reception.

Takano turned his head upon hearing his name and his eyes immediately softened upon seeing the brunet. He approached them, noticing the young lady who was standing beside Onodera, beaming brightly. It only took a couple of seconds before it clicked in Takano’s mind, and he returned the gesture with a smile of his own.

“An-san, it’s been a long time.” The editor-in-chief politely greeted, though he found himself being forced to balance his weight when An came rushing in to give the raven a tight hug. Onodera watched the scene unfold, letting a smile slip through from seeing Takano’s uncomposed expression.

“It’s been a while, Saga-san!” An pulled away to smile once more, though it broke slightly upon realising her mistake. “Oh no, it’s not Saga-san anymore, isn’t it? Ricchan told me you go by Takano-san now.”

“Yes, that’s true. I ended up taking my mother’s name after my parents divorced.” Takano explained lightly, not wishing for sympathy.

“Ah, really? Speaking of, how was it transferring into a new school?” An questioned, suddenly curious of Takano’s whereabouts. While she had heard part of the story from Onodera’s perspective, she wanted to know what Takano thought. Right after Takano had left, all that was left of the brunet was an empty shell of his former self. 

“Hm, it was easy to fall into routine. The subjects were slightly different in terms of material and teaching, but I got used to it. It was a small school as well, so I didn’t feel suffocated.” Takano replied simply, yet the young woman felt slightly disappointed by the answer. She wondered if Takano would answer differently if Onodera wasn’t around. An didn’t have to wait for long however, since Onodera announced he would get some drinks for them, and took his leave. Whipping her head back around, An advanced towards the editor-in-chief with a slight frown as she crossed her arms.

“Wasn’t it hard leaving Ricchan? You two were going so well that I thought that maybe it was hard for you too.” 

“…of course. I missed him.” Takano answered, knowing where she was going with this. “But, now’s not the time to think about these things. I know Onodera isn’t thinking about us.” 

An couldn’t deny it. She knew Onodera had tried to move on - she saw for herself - as soon as possible. He had decided to travel after high school, studying in various places. She wanted to go with him initially, but she focused on her future on being an entrepreneur. Their engagement was a lost cause and she didn’t particularly mind it; they weren’t even attracted to each other. But what worried her now was how his parents had become a little overbearing in terms of the family company, and knew that Onodera was seriously considering his future now and the future of the company.

She just hoped that it wasn’t a future without Takano. 

“Can’t you try?

“I don’t even know if Onodera shares the same feelings as I do.” Takano hoped that wasn’t the case.

“But you know that he does, Takano-san. He told me about you before you arrived, and I honestly haven’t seen Ricchan so happy in a while talking about someone.” Takano smothered the feelings of hope that ignited within him the moment An had said that, not wanting to act irrationally in such a situation.

“I’m sure it’s because he thinks of me as someone he cares about, like you, An-san.” Takano excused, not wanting to delve too deep into such ideas. Yes, he assumed that Onodera  _ probably _ felt something about him after all these years, considering that they’ve been meeting up frequently - and the older had to admit that he hadn’t seen anyone else so frequently in the past year compared to the brunet. And if he took the chance now, it was probably likely that Onodera would, at the very least, return his feelings.

But even so, he still thought the risk was too great. He didn’t want to ruin the dynamic they had now simply because he was too impatient. He wanted to make sure the time was right.

“What are you guys talking about?” Takano snapped out of his reverie when he saw Onodera come back with two drinks in hand, passing one to Takano and then to An.

“No, you take it, I’m driving.” He smiled at the brunet, gently pushing his hand away. Onodera just chuckled before shrugging as he took a sip. 

“We were talking about your relationship with Takano-san.” Onodera coughed up the alcohol in his mouth as he gave an incredulous stare to An. He immediately pulled An to the side so that Takano wouldn’t hear, and whispered harshly.

“An-chan! I told you that we were not going to talk about this in his presence! Drop the topic.” Onodera pleaded, face slowly lighting up out of embarrassment.

“Ricchan! You’re missing out on a wonderful man if you keep acting like this! Look at him!” An swivelled the brunet around to face Takano, whom smiled awkwardly and gave a wave.

“What are you two doing?” The raven asked, letting out a short laugh. Onodera’s cheeks flamed and immediately turned back to An, heart thudding.

“Stop embarrassing me!”

“Not until you admit it!”

“Takano-kun!” Both Onodera and An whipped their head to the voice that was nearing, confused at the sight of a beautiful woman approaching the tall male. 

“Oh my god, Ricchan. I’m going to throttle you for not claiming that sweet piece of--”

“Ah, sensei. Good evening.” Takano bowed politely to the woman, smiling graciously at her. “Have you already made yourself comfortable this evening?”

“Yes, I bumped into Kisa-kun just earlier. But I was hoping that you’d introduce me to some of the producers that I’ll be working with for the drama CD, if you wouldn’t mind.” Ichinose smiled, bowing in return.

“Ahhh, of course.” Takano replied, joining her side. He let her go ahead, staying behind to address Onodera and An.

“Sorry, I’m going to be a while. Work matters. My author, Ichinose Erika-sama,” Takano sighed, “Wants me to accompany her to meet the production team on the drama CD that they’ll be making for her series. I hope you don’t mind.” He said apologetically, letting his gaze linger for a little too long on Onodera.

“A-Ah, yeah that’s fine! This is still a work party, after all.” Onodera smiled, willing the blush away from his cheeks. Takano thanked him with a smile before he excused himself. Once the editor-in-chief was out of earshot, Onodera exhaled loudly and buried his face in his hands.

“God, I want to go home.”

* * *

“Where’s An-san?” Takano approached the brunet, who was standing by some seats in the lobby. Onodera looked up from his phone and passed the elder’s coat over.

“She’s meeting someone, so she left early.” He explained, joining the other’s side as they made their way towards the elevator. Though, the thoughts in his head wouldn’t stop running around, and he had to grip his coat to will the familiar warmth away from his cheeks.

“Boyfriend?”

“? Yeah.” Onodera looked up to catch a glance at Takano’s face, though he wasn’t surprised to see a calm expression painting it. He didn’t expect the raven to ask that so suddenly, but he supposed that the elder was simply sharp at picking up those sorts of details.

“Hmm.” The pair were walking together through the nearly-empty underground parking area, after having spent much of the night separately, since Takano had work up until the conclusion of the party.

“If that ‘hmm’ is supposed to mean that you’re mildly surprised, I told you we didn’t like each other in that sense. If anything, it’d be weirder if she  _ didn’t _ have someone else, don’t you think?” Onodera asked, opting to wear his coat as the air grew chilly.

“I’m not disagreeing with you on that, however, I just personally think that both of your parents should’ve  _ not _ engaged you two if An-san was interested in someone else from the beginning.” 

“At the time, she wasn’t interested in anyone. But, well, if I introduced Nao to her earlier, maybe things would’ve turned out differently.”

“…I guess.” Takano finished on a quiet note, unlocking his car that was parked a couple of metres away from where they were. He hated how Onodera’s last sentence was what stood out mostly to him. If he was being realistic, the shorter probably didn’t mean anything much by it. But the thought of things turning out differently not only for his engagement, but also for what their relationship could have been if he hadn’t decided to break up… 

He supposed he was being too hopeful.

“Ah, but I guess though all of this happened, it’s pretty lucky that we managed to bump into each other after all of these years.” Onodera started up casually.

“Eh?”

“Well, I mean, I never would’ve thought that I’d run into you during a fansign event, of all things.” Takano frowned slightly, unsure of what the brunet was trying to get at. Well, he did, if he was being honest, but he needed confirmation.

“What are you trying to say?”

“I-I guess…” Onodera stopped in his tracks as the pair finally reached the car. The moment Onodera turned around to look at Takano, the raven’s heart stopped for a moment.

“I’m just glad…that I met you again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this took me much longer than i thought lol  
> see you guys soon (hopefully)


End file.
